SPEAKER_00 0:00

We check in how we're doing emotionally individually, if there's any unresolved things from the week we need to address, and that really keeps that connection strong. And then the second half is the logistics and strategy. So we make our meal plan, we do the calendar check, who's taking which kid to soccer and all right everybody.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

Welcome to another episode of Connections That Matter, where we share the stories of Northern Colorado's best networkers and find out the connections that they've made that have led to their success. This week we have a super special episode. We're doing a partnership edition, and I have uh James and Angela in the studio. James and Angela, welcome. Thanks for being here.

SPEAKER_00 0:42

Thanks for having us.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Yeah, grateful to be here. Right on. So this is a different kind of partnership because you guys focus on the couples and the entrepreneurs and stuff there, but share a little bit about your business.

SPEAKER_02 0:52

So it turns out that entrepreneurs are great at a lot of things, but staying happily married is something that doesn't come very naturally. And so ultimately we decided to niche into the work of helping entrepreneurs get back to the honeymoon phase and stay happily married. Um and navigating it with the parts that work in their entrepreneurship and certain parts of running a business, but then also helping them see which parts of running a business don't also help them to run their marriage. And so typically we work with uh relationships where at least one person is the entrepreneur, the other person could be a normal person.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

He says that because he's the entrepreneur, right?

SPEAKER_02 1:28

Um sometimes they work together in the same business. Sometimes they're each entrepreneurs in their own business. And um a lot of times, especially while they're navigating kids, we find a lot of folks at that age and stage of life.

SPEAKER_01 1:39

Sure. So but you guys co co-founders or co-owners of the business, how does uh and you're married. So how do how do how do you guys pull it off? Great question.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Uh ask us, you know, changes day by day. But um yeah, so when we I'm been a counselor therapist for 20-something years. And so the when our we started our marriage, James was the entrepreneur and I had a W-2 counseling. I worked in the school system for a long time. I worked for nonprofits, and then at some point he transitioned into coaching, and so he was coaching entrepreneurs, um realtors his past career. And then we kind of came together and combined the counseling and coaching to start to work with couples. And so I always joke we got, you know, we figured out how to be an entrepreneur in a W2 and got that figured out really well and how to be happily married there. So then we decided to just mix it up and go into business together and learn a new set of skills and challenges.

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Such an entrepreneurial trait. Like that's working really well. Let's do something else that's challenging.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Well, I see it a lot of like business owners, they're trying to grow because there's a ideal of what they want their home life to look like, their why. Uh but sometimes their business takes away from that or they put all this energy into a part of their business and then their family is feeling left out or um Is that normal? Is it just predictable?

SPEAKER_02 3:04

Oh yeah. I mean, I haven't met a single business owner, entrepreneur that started the business with the intention of losing their marriage and family in the process. But somehow the business will typically become the mistress, especially when it's in that growth phase when failure's not an option and this has to work. And so that can drastically take will and honestly, like entrepreneurship kind of requires that for a lot of uh people. And just I think there's so much competition out there. And so, yes, there is that season where business is the most important thing, and because success is, and the financial success of the family is the most important thing. And if we're not careful, that season becomes a state. And they never even when the business starts getting successful, they don't know how to pull back out and bring that intention and that attention back to their marriage and the family.

SPEAKER_00 3:56

Yeah, and I think I mean it especially can happen when the marriage is going pretty well, because it's like, well, the business needs all the attention right now to grow it, and you know, my spouse, you know, we're we're good, we're fine. So that feels like it can take a backseat, and you know, and there's going to be seasons where maybe that is true. Um, but then what happens, like James is saying, is that over time it just continually takes the back seat and there just can be this drift that happens. Um so I mean a lot of the couples we work with are they're great, right? They're good, you know. Um, but at some point they start realizing, oh, we've kind of drifted apart over the years, or or there's this one area that we keep butting heads on and we just keep putting it off because there's all these other things demanding our attention. Um, and at some point they can't keep putting it in the backseat. They have to actually work with it and deal with it.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

So if you had to advise somebody, you know, just registers their business with Secretary of State, they're like, We're really we're gonna do it for real. So it's day one. Um what would you guard in their marriage um from the very beginning that they never lose?

SPEAKER_00 5:03

Yeah. So we really look at um we we look at it as a recipe. We have a system that we use. And for us, because we're also busy entrepreneurs, we really want to give people tools like tangible tools that are easy to use. And so um a lot of it is about just staying intentional and having these systems in place that allow you to connect and get on the same page as part of your normal weekly routine and you know, annual routine. So we do an annual retreat. It's a part of our system, is we do an annual retreat where the two of us get away for the weekend. We also facilitate these for other couples, but when we do our own and we talk about all the big stuff. So once a year, it's kind of like entrepreneurs allowed to do business planning for the year. Well, we do that for our life and our marriage also. So we do that, we talk about our vision, we talk about our goals and our strategies, how we're gonna get there, and then we talk about our connection and our intimacy. Um, and then we have quarterly check-ins on those where we go out for a date night and we look at our goals we set at the annual retreat, see where we're at, and then we have a weekly marriage meeting. Um just to, again, to connect, check in with each other emotionally, to do logistics for the week. So we have this system because I think what can happen is the drift happens when you're not intentional. So systems help you be intentional with your marriage, not just your business.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

So is it like non-negotiable, same time, same place, or uh and what's the agenda at the marriage meeting that you guys do?

SPEAKER_02 6:31

So the weekly one is for us, we choose the day is non-negotiable. And I mean life happens, right? So we have a rule and there's always exceptions to the rule, but for us it's on Sundays, and we try to get it done earlier in the morning. And uh, that is also when the kids are still kind of waking up, they're a little slow, they can enjoy some Sunday morning cartoons. Uh plus it sets us up for the week. And so that's for us. We really want to get it done earlier in the week. Um, and by the time Monday comes around, that's our business meeting. So Sunday's our day to do that. Um, and ultimately it's the part connection. Like, how are we doing? How are we connecting? It's also really cool about that is that if something like little glitch in the matrix happens between us, we don't necessarily have to dive in and dig into it at that moment. We can just put a pin in it and then get into that intentional, we'll call it container, like this is what we're here to talk about. So I didn't like it the way you said that, or I didn't like it when you know, this is something I'd like to work on in our marriage. And then also there's a huge calendar check. Yeah. So yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

So the first part is that we express appreciation and gratitude for each other. We check in how we're doing emotionally individually, if there's any unresolved things from the week we need to address, and that really keeps that connection strong. And then the second half is the logistics and strategy. So we make our meal plan, we do the calendar check, who's taking which kid to soccer and kind of sort out our week. We look at our finances, or is there anything we need to talk about financially this week?

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Self-care, time with social life and friends. It's just all the different big rocks in our life that we want to make sure that that happen for us. And so just once a week we look at it because if you show me your calendar, I'll tell you your priorities, which is usually different than when people tell me what their priorities and their values are. I'm like, okay, well, show them your calendar. And then it's like, well, your priority is clearly your business. Your priority is clearly like two things, and that's where like scheduling date nights come in. And I didn't love this meeting to start with, and so if anybody's like, oh shit, another meeting, I'm not really interested in that. Like that was a piece that I brought into it. And over time, I really learned to grow to really appreciate it because it allowed us a space where we could get on the same page. It allowed us a space where we could get connected again and like have that rhythm to it. And also, one of the things that we will highly recommend every single entrepreneur. So you talk about big rocks, like one thing to do schedule sex and intimacy every week. Put it on your calendar. You are putting everything else on your calendar as an entrepreneur, as a business owner. Like, schedule that one thing. Awesome.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

Do you schedule it for both of you? Like calendar invites, like Thursday night. Yeah, I just fire one out. Like, we'll be sitting like with the Mart emoji and the flame emoji.

SPEAKER_00 9:02

Well, we like sitting next to each other at our laptops, and like all of a sudden I'll pop up a calendar invite from him, you know, and I'm like, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:11

HR loves that one.

SPEAKER_00 9:13

Yeah, but we, you know, I know some people sometimes have resistance to to scheduling intimacy. And um I think one, it's we just have to make time for it. We have to carve out the time. And two, it's that for us, we schedule intimacy, and that can be all sorts of different things. So if we get to Thursday night when we have it blocked up in the calendar, then and we're both tired, maybe we just cuddle on the couch or we give each other massages or that kind of thing. Like it can intimacy can look like a lot of things, so there's no pressure to it, but it is us saying we are prioritizing this couple hours a week to really connect.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

So as a business, are people seeking you out when it's like five alarm fire and things are on the rocks, or um, are people approaching it when everything's stable?

SPEAKER_00 9:59

I would say both.

SPEAKER_02 10:01

Um more towards the five alarm fire, I think, at times. It's it's interesting. We'll see these different waves, and uh the businesses kind of see like a wave coming in here and there. And ideally, you'll catch us before there is a crisis in your relationship. Because there's always that one thing that a couple is working on or has decided to just accept in their relationship, but then it comes back again the next year, and then six months later, and it's just always like that little thorn in their side. And so if you can come in and get that thing worked out, then that has one of the biggest leverage points because you're also not carrying a ton of baggage. On average, people wait six years to seek help in their relationship before they're gonna like before they just implode. And also, you know, people need a pain point. Sure.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

So yeah, and I would say, you know, oftentimes couples are coming to us because there's some sort of transition. So they might not be like on the brink of divorce. It might not be a total crisis, but you know, they had the mother-in-law move in with them and that puts a strain on their relationship, or the they're looking, they're gonna be empty nesters, and so they know, you know, they're trying to be proactive. We had a few of those and say, like, oh, like, yeah, we're gonna sell the business and we need to talk through that, and we maybe have different ideas about the timeline for that, or what that's gonna look like, or so it's oftentimes there's some sort of transition or some sort of, you know, issue that they're just having trouble seeing eye to eye on and they can come to us. And I love that. I mean, we'll take couples in crisis, we'll take couples, you know, at any stage, but I love when they're um I appreciate the couples that are coming and trying to be a little proactive about it. Like, oh, we're gonna be empty nesters next year. Let's, you know, this is on the horizon, let's talk about it. Or we're gonna be selling the business in the next two years, let's talk about it. And those are really fun to work with because we can help them, you know, set them up for success.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

The the bar for us is that they are choosing to be all in on the relationship. They're not deciding if they still want to be together or not, like we're doing this and we're gonna make this the best relationship possible. Here's where we're at today, but we both know the direction we want to go.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

What about like generational trauma? You hear about that, or um you know, if maybe my parents' family life wasn't great, or I didn't have a good role model of what a healthy marriage is. Um you know, what's the best way to create it? It's a possibility.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

Yeah, so we see this. I I worked as a school counselor for a long time in my 20-something years, and so um I worked with kids a lot, and it's interesting because so much of what happens in relationship is our little wounded child inside gets triggered, right? And it's um there's a pretty famous couples therapist, Terry Real, and he says we marry our unfinished business.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Which I know you hear like that one lay out like die.

SPEAKER_00 12:55

Um, and while that is, I think, true, and also a little like, ugh, I also think that there's this beauty in that because when, you know, if there's something whether from childhood and maybe my pants seeing my parents' marriage, or you know, somebody, you know, one of the parents was an alcoholic or was bullied at school, whatever it was that I, you know, experienced growing up and I haven't healed that or dealt with it, then I get into a relationship, you know, an intimate romantic relationship. And those old wounds, fears, whatever they are, have a way of getting re-triggered and brought to the surface. But in that, it also gives us a chance to actually look at them, address them, heal them. And so I think there's also this beauty of it where it's it's hard and it brings that to surface, but now that it's brought to surface, we can actually deal with it and heal it and move forward with new patterns. So part of what we do is we help couples to deconstruct their old patterns, which are often based on they're each bringing their own childhood to the table in it and what they saw modeled for them, good or bad. Um, so deconstructing the patterns that aren't working for them and then reconstructing healthier new patterns and then systems to sustain those. That's a big part of the work, and it's a part of the work I love.

SPEAKER_01 14:08

And when people come to you, is it the couple together, or is it generally the husband or the wife or the one person of the spouse that wants it more than the other one?

SPEAKER_02 14:19

There's usually one person who's calling for the work and one person who is warming up to it. Okay. That's a good way to put it. Um and everybody moves at their own pace. So we do work with the quickest way to change a pattern. It takes two to create a pattern, but it only takes one person to change it. So if your spouse is not on board with doing that, then you can do your own personal work. Angela and I will work with you individually. Uh, but things will go a lot faster when you're both showing up for the process. And that's really our secret sauce. That's our unique blend. It's not, this is when we meet with couples, we meet two-on-two. So you get Angela's counseling and coach uh like style, and then you get my coaching style. I'm a men's coach too, and so I really get to speak to men and their hearts in a different way. And the thing is, is that every entrepreneur out there has had a coach or a mentor in some capacity that they chose on purpose. Did we choose our parents? No, no, right? And so we just got modeled what relationships and marriage is from somebody that we didn't necessarily choose. And so they just haven't learned how. And so if you've got a somebody helping you with your marketing, and then you've got a coach that's helping you with your mindset, and you've got a coach that's helping you with your entrepreneurship, like, come on, like just let somebody show you a different way to be married, and that's it can be it can take courage too. And I think that's it, is like sometimes they don't want to pop the hood because it's like, we're fine, I don't want to rock the boat, and the other person's like, we're not fine, you know. If we do this for another six months or another six years, like we're definitely not fine. Um, and so yeah, it definitely it takes two to tango.

SPEAKER_01 15:50

What uh if things are maybe not even fine, but like thriving, right? America your home life is thriving. What impact do you see as like to the success of the business or the life? Like how much of a ROI that's probably the wrong way to put it.

SPEAKER_00 16:06

Uh great way to put it. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 16:09

Of healthy, solid home life to being your best entrepreneur yourself. It's priceless. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:16

I mean, we really see, you know, I think sometimes when you get into you're married and an entrepreneur, it can feel like your time with your family and the business are competing with, you know, for your time. And we really see them as like if home is solid, it's rocket fuel to your business. They don't actually need to compete. They can like help each other thrive. And so, you know, your success in business can then support your family and the goals they want to do and take that vacation you wanted to go on or have more financial freedom down the road, right? And then when things, you know, I think we've all had those periods probably when something was tough in our life, whether it was our marriage or something else going on, and just the energy that that takes away and how we're not able to focus and show up in the same way in our business because we've got this thing over here. Um, so when home is really solid and thriving, then I feel like it gives us this, it frees us up to go out and like give it all our all in these other areas, including our business.

SPEAKER_02 17:15

If you want to give something your best, you got to be at your best. So if you want something to thrive, then marriage is one of those areas that we have a lot of control over. If we just put time and energy into it, we don't necessarily have a ton of control over the outcomes of our business per se. But with our marriage and our family, like if we do the right inputs, then we can really grow there. And then once we're solid there, then it just builds this aliveness. And that aliveness then goes into the business and it goes into everything else. And that's where we see people really catch fire. And that's what gets you us really excited is that spot.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

Yeah, and I'll also say there's a study people might have heard that Harvard has been doing. It's been going on for over 80 years now. So it's like this the you know, longitudinal study um of people from all different walks of life and seeing how um their quality of life, right? Their health, their finances, all these things. And basically the big takeaway has been that the quality of your life is the quality of your relationships, with your marriage obviously being the number one relationship in your life. So people were healthier, they made more money, they lived longer, all these factors of success based on if they had solid relationships with marriage being number one. So I think it's been cool research to watch unfold um and just showing us that yes, this actually does have the biggest impact on the rest of our life.

SPEAKER_01 18:36

Well, and you guys probably are more up to date on the statistics, but people are not married as as often as they used to, and they're not having as many kids as they used to. Um what's the impact of that, I guess, as a society on a societal level, um, without healthy as as many healthy marriages?

SPEAKER_00 18:56

Yeah, so it's interesting. The research is different for men and women, the recent research. And so men fare much better if they're married on all those factors, uh health, living longer, money, all of that. Um women were seeing a shift in that. Um, and women that are staying single aren't seeing those negative impacts that men are. So it's an interesting gender difference there. Um and I would say that's just, you know, partly because things have changed economically for women, where now they are able to um make more money than have been in the past and that kind of thing. But ultimately, I think if we're looking at the quality of our life being the quality of our relations our relationships, there is still value, even for women who might be doing financially better than they used to be, to have that quality relationship. And I think some of that is, you know, again, it's the quality of it, right? And so if I'm in an unhappy marriage, I'm not gonna get the same benefits as if I'm in a happy marriage.

SPEAKER_01 20:01

So would you guys recommend as like the right amount of sharing about work? Um, and I guess it's depending if I have a non-entrepreneurial spouse or maybe an entrepreneurial spouse, but in another business, like how much to talk about like what you did at work or how work's going versus how we're doing and things we're doing together.

SPEAKER_02 20:23

I would say my first thought is whatever you're doing, inverse it. Just talk about yourself more and your business less. The the kicker is we have this one amazing clients, and uh we talk about seven styles of intimacy, right? And of those types of intimacy, one of them, and I I don't know, maybe we even coined it. I think we might have call it co-creation intimacy. What are we creating? What am I? It's a creation intimacy, that excitement when we're building something, and entrepreneurs carry that one, and it's usually quite a big bucket. They got a big bucket and they're ready to just pour into that. And so when the business is the thing that's lighting you on fire, and the business is the thing that's getting your like your creative juices flowing, you want to come home and like let me share this thing, I'm tackling this thing, I won this thing, right? It's a form of intimacy, right? And so in the emotional intimacy bucket, like mine is like a shot glass. Like, I'm like, cool, fill mine up and I'm good to go. Angela has a 55-gallon drum, right? And so if she comes at me with all that emotional intimacy after a while, I'm just gonna get overloaded. It's overflowing and spilling everywhere. So if we look at it as an intimacy language and intimacy style, it's really being able to connect with your spouse and and understand what that is. And for a lot of people, it's gonna be a little different. And so there's a just call it again, this container. Like, what are we here to talk about? We're in this container to be emotionally intimate, we're in this container to be sexually intimate, we're in this container to talk about our week. We're in this so if you build the right container to say, I'd love to tell you all the things I'm excited about about my business, and it gets funneled into that one point, then they're gonna receive it better because they know it's Spilling out into every little nook and cranny of time you have together.

SPEAKER_00 22:03

Yeah. So I think, you know, what you're speaking to is being attuned to your partner, right? And so if your partner is why having both of us is really great.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

She's like, this is actually what it was. I'm translating. Let me translate what that male says.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Um, is that, you know, for some, they're gonna want, you know, um, I I wanted to hear about James' business when he was the entrepreneur and I wasn't, right? Because he was excited about it. He had been off all day away from the house usually. And so when he came back, it was like, Yeah, how was your day? And I wanted to hear, because for me that was part of filling my emotional intimacy bucket, knowing what was going on in his day and his business and all of that. Um, for other people, it can be, you know, we've had clients where she's was just like, all this energy, he just gets excited and he'll talk for like two hours and I'm just overwhelmed and like it's too much. And like, yeah. Um, and so I think it's like noticing you know, and establishing as a partnership what's appropriate. If you are in business together, like we are now, I would say it is very important to have um boundaries around when you are going to talk about the business. Otherwise, it could bleed into all areas. So we have our marriage meeting on Sunday, we have our business meeting on Monday. And at the Sunday meeting, if one of us starts to bring up a business thing, we're like, oh, let's put a pin in that for until tomorrow.

SPEAKER_02 23:21

Great thought for tomorrow.

SPEAKER_00 23:22

Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 23:23

Or, you know, around the dinner table the other night, Angela's like, Oh, we've got this thing to do. And I was just like at the end of my day, and I just looked at her and I was like, a nope, and I was like, great thought for later.

SPEAKER_00 23:35

Yeah. So we try to keep each other in check around those, you know, when we're spending time with our kids, we don't talk about the business when we're, you know, at night. Um, we don't put we don't take phones into our bed or anything like that. So we have certain boundaries around this is just our time as spouses and as parents, and no business.

SPEAKER_01 23:53

On the show we talk a lot about you know, people who network. And so uh and when you network, you're building relationships with other business owners, and then essentially they're characters in your story, main characters, some side characters, right? We're coming home, and um the spouse is like, wait, who's that person that you're networking with? And it's like uh bringing it all together. Um you know, for somebody who networks, uh, do you include your spouse in the networking efforts, or is it through stories, or is it just part of business development? It's not really that big of a marriage topic.

SPEAKER_02 24:31

So the premise of that question, I feel, is like if you're the entrepreneur and your spouse is the normal person. Yeah, right. Well, or just the non-entrepreneur entrepreneur. I call them the normies, right? Um God bless them. Um and if that's the case, so I used to take Angela to networking events because I think she makes me look really good. You can probably agree, right? And so in that space, though, I'd get into the networking mode and I'm there to do what? Talk to every single person in the room, and then all of a sudden she's standing in a corner by herself. And I mean, like sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 25:07

I mean, but not very often.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Like she's very social. Although I will say, like, you would get to the point you're like, hey, let's work on this networking, but like come back and check on me like every 15 or so minutes. Like, make sure I'm not stuck. So I've learned to keep the loop a little tighter. Yeah, which was something that she inspired me to do and challenged me to do. Um, and so I think there are gonna be events, and ultimately I always give her first try to refusal. This one could be fun. Do you want to come? This one's gonna be probably not that fun. Do you want to come? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 25:37

Yeah, I appreciate the invitations um back when he was an entrepreneur and I wasn't. Um and yeah, I think that we even had like a signal we would give each other. So it was kind of for that, like, you know, so ours was just like a blow each other a kiss. So like from across the room for networking, he'd we'd make eye contact, he'd blow me a kiss. If I blew it back, it meant I was good. If I didn't, it meant come save me. So we had our secret signal for that. And you know, it was just all very I mean, one time I got cornered by a drunk guy and I was like, uh, this isn't very comfortable, I want out of this situation, you know. Um, so things like that. So I think it including the partner can be a good thing. Um, and I also think partly, you know, I don't know if this is true for other people, but when we first were married and our and then started having kids, so we have little kids. We have three kids that are um anyway, so there were like toddlers and babies involved, and I'd get home from my you know counseling job and I'd be trying to make dinner and have a baby on my back and a toddler around my ankle and the good old, you know, and I would call him and be like, Where are you? And I could hear in the background that he was like at a brewery. Right. I would do a lot of everything. But he's working, he's networking, you know. Yeah, so he'd be like networking, and there were moments where, as the partner at home, I could feel a little resentful. Totally. I'm here doing all this stuff and you're at a brewery, you know. And so I think partly for me, as I've become an entrepreneur myself and also going to some of the networking events with him and him talking about his business, I started to understand that he really did there was value to him being out there and meeting people and making those connections that were helping us meet our financial goals. So when we got on the same page about our financial goals and he filled me in more on his business goals, then that really helped me see the value of him being out there networking.

SPEAKER_02 27:35

I think it's also important to note somewhat of a hot take here. She wasn't invited to all of them. Because I'm like, I I have a mission here. Like, I know who I'm gonna go speak with, I've got something to do, and I don't want to have to circle back every 15 minutes or like have that in the back of my mind. And that would bring up a little tension. It can bring up tension. Like, what do you mean I'm not invited to this one? Right? It's like also someone had to watch the kids. Someone had to watch the kids. Logistics, right?

SPEAKER_00 28:00

Yeah, um, all the you know, but just to be real and open about that.

SPEAKER_02 28:04

Like, hey, this is a this is an event that I just need to get to by myself. And as much as I'd love you to be there, like it's really just gonna make more sense if I go to this one solo. And being able to like, you know, potentially sit with some disappointment or some resentment that came up without letting it again then affect my energy before I walked into that event, right? If I'm feeling guilty before I walk into that event, it's not gonna make the best event for me. I had to like just be open, honest from the heart, and then I could show up open, honest from the heart, and that was that's where business really flows.

SPEAKER_00 28:34

And I think that was a big result of us doing our annual retreat was we would do all of our financial goals for the year, which were very much tied to his business goals, right? Since he was making more money than I was at that point. Um, and so when I got really bought in on those and we were, I was seeing those with him, then again, it made me, I think, much more understanding and encouraging of you to like, you know, go get him, Tiger. Go get him. I got dinner and bathtime again for the kids, go get them, you know.

SPEAKER_01 29:05

My wife would say, like, all of a sudden she's kind of caught up in an accidental networking. Like, we're on a date night, maybe we're going to a fundraiser of some kind, but there's business owners in the room, but we're, you know, going as a couple. Um any tips for non-entrepreneurial spouses if they're caught in accidental networking opportunities? Safe word.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Secret signal, yeah. Yeah. Um, I think those help. And then I also think that, you know, again, I would I tried to be like his wingwoman in a lot of ways back in those days. And so if I get in a conversation with someone else over here and he's in a conversation over there, I might casually drop that. Oh, oh yeah, my husband, he's a realtor, you know, whatever. Because I know that more people knowing he was a realtor when he was a realtor was helpful for business. And so I tried to look at it as like, how can I support him in this moment? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

You help bring a lot of business. Now, a tool that so back to a good tangible tool in this case, right? Yeah. Um, if we're doing accidental networking, that's the opposite of like the intentional networking that you bring in such a great value. And also, like, if I'm out, like every like, especially in the kind of work that we do, like there's always a potential to meet somebody. And so there's an exercise that we can do before those called forbid FBI D stands for fears, boundaries, intentions, and desires. And so you each get to say, these are my fears about going to this thing. I'm gonna get stuck in accidental networking. Okay, well, what are my intentions? Have fun. Boundaries, like five minutes, right? Yeah, if that happens, then your mission, or if I was in that case, my mission would be to connect. Nice to see you. Hey, clearly we've got something more to talk about, but right now I'm on date night. Yeah. And so, what's the best way to double click and circle back on this thing later? And so it gives you permission to make that connection, but then step back into the relationship, which I think is a really great trust-building thing in general. Like their spouse is gonna be like, hey, that was like cool, you know. So it can really also build the relationship by setting that boundary. And then if you know what that is beforehand, then you can really execute it in the moment.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Yeah, and we use that tool. So again, it's forbid F-B-I-D, fears, boundaries, intentions, desires. And we use it all sorts of things like, oh, we're going on a family vacation. Let's talk about it, right? Oh, we're ha we're hosting Thanksgiving with all of your family. What are your fears, boundaries, intentions, desires for this holiday?

SPEAKER_02 31:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

So we, you know, and it gives us a chance to know what each other's fears are and boundaries, intentions, and desires, and then we can, you know, help each other not only stay on the same page, but if I know he has a fear of something and I see that thing starting to happen, how can I help out with it? Or if I see one of the boundaries we've set, you know, getting brushed up against, then how do I make sure we're going to be able to do that?

SPEAKER_02 31:59

We could talk for more than five minutes to this person, like we're gonna close the boundary.

SPEAKER_00 32:03

Maybe I'll go steal him away. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:06

What about distance? Uh meaning that some people travel for business, they're away from home, or there's like a huge deadline, they gotta hit something by Friday. So they're pulling late nights and they're just out of the normal routine. Um how do you how do you keep it healthy when it's like maybe the relationship is strained? Um, hopefully for a short-term period of time. But um any tips on that kind of stuff with distance?

SPEAKER_00 32:32

So one thing, um, and again, this can be used in a variety of settings, but that we do is we look at bookending things. So if there's gonna be a time where maybe there's gonna be a a big project and you see it coming, you know, it's gonna be like, oh, these couple weeks are gonna be really busy, I'm gonna be working late hours. Bookend it with some intentional time, a date before and then after once that project's over. Um, we'll do that too if we have we've had series of time where we've had a bunch of family in town and visitors and that kind of stuff. And so it's like, well, we're gonna go on a date and we're gonna connect before all the visitors come in town, and then we're gonna bookend it and go on a date after. So for us, that kind of helps us, you know, uh connect before the thing and then also reconnect after. And then I think the other thing is just a lot of open communication, you know. So being able to um, yeah, communicate that, you know, hey, I, you know, I realize that I'm working late and I really appreciate your support. That showing each other appreciation, showing each other support, um, I think can go a long way until you're able to reconnect on the other side of it.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

Come with a little entitlement sometimes. Like, I'm working. This is how I bring money into the family, this is a project, you know how important this is, right? So you just hear like the defensiveness in that voice. So just checking on that entitlement justification, right? Because ultimately it's like, I wish I was with the family too, right? Like, uh, I I don't want to be doing this except I want to be building this business, right? I feel like I'm sacrificing. So there's an invitation to not take things so personally, right? And especially so if I'm the entrepreneur and I'm the one with the big deadline or the big project, and I'm just really like burning the candle at both ends, and then I get I get out of the office and I see her for five minutes before bed, and she goes, I miss you, right? I'm like, like, don't you know how it can really like trigger some of our inner like core wounding? I'm not showing up enough, I'm not doing this. So it's really just giving grace to like also listening to their experience. Yeah, I miss you too. Just validate, which validation, by the way, and I I loved when I learned. So it was like it does not mean that I agree with what you're feeling, but it means that I can understand and validate that that is a real emotion that you're having.

SPEAKER_01 34:46

Right on. Any uh any no-co date spots that you guys highly recommend? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:52

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:55

I was gonna say we've been really trying to lean into things that are just fun, you know, um, more playful. So I mean we've been married 15 years, and so um, you know, and we're together a lot because we work together, and so just going to dinner and talking, it's great. And we're like looking to incorporate more play. So we've gone to play putt-putt, we've gone to um Pinball Jones to play games and oh, what's the alcohol free bar in Loveland?

SPEAKER_02 35:28

Oh, yeah, what is that? Uh uh they have a great game center downstairs. Uh it's on Fourth Street, I think. Um so yeah, Google that one. I can't remember the name. But they have a really cool like play facility downstairs.

SPEAKER_00 35:41

We've gone to Comedy Night.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Comedy Night's probably one of our favorites.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

Because then you just laugh together. Yeah, we we really look for things that are playful.

SPEAKER_02 35:49

And try an open mic, even if you're not gonna play music at the open mic, just look for the open mic schedules around town and go watch some live music. Yeah. And it's also, you know, some some of it's great and some of it's not so great, and it could just give you something to connect on.

SPEAKER_00 36:04

We recently went to swing dancing, they alternate venues, the swing dancing club, I don't remember what they're called, but um, they were playing at Avos one night, and we went and watched them and tried swing dancing, which is something we'd never done before. So doing things that are new, a little out of the ordinary, the fun, the play is really what we try to incorporate.

SPEAKER_01 36:23

Aaron Powell When we talk about connections that matter, one thing that, like we said, uh if you don't have it right at home with your spouse or your family, a lot of this business stuff doesn't really matter in the long run. So thanks so much for sharing the tips about how to keep it strong and your insight and your wisdom. Um, if my marriage I could use uh a boost or the uh outside person to look at some blind spots, how can people get a hold of you guys?

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Uh on Instagram at loveintentionally.co, and then our website is loveintentionally.com. One of the things we just love to do with everybody is hop on a quick 40, 45 minute discovery call and just see where you're at, where you're trying to go. And you will always walk away with one of the many tools that we have that is going to meet you where you're at. And if you think we can help, we can help, but we'll always point you in the right direction. And so that's just at this stage in the game, it's still nice to have time and space and create time and space to be able to hop on those calls with anybody that wants to have them.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

Yeah, and those are free.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

So and you guys have a podcast too, so people can listen in. So yeah, plug your podcast if people want more James and Angela content.

SPEAKER_00 37:28

Yeah, it's called Married and Magnetic.

SPEAKER_01 37:30

Awesome. Which is also the name of our book, which you can find on Amazon. So right on. Well, thanks so much for coming on. It's been a pleasure speaking with both of you, and we'll see you around Northern Colorado. Thank you so much. Hey all, thanks for watching. I love networking and building relationships with other Northern Colorado business leaders. So if you want to come meet some of these podcast guests, meet me or meet some other amazing entrepreneurs in Northern Colorado. I would love to have you attend one of our next events. Uh go in the podcast description. There's a ways so you can see our upcoming schedule. And maybe you could be a future podcast guest as well. Thanks.